You Don't Know WHERE That's Been!!

Thursday, January 16, 2014                                                                            Volume II, Issue 1

A Note From Paul:  The Five Most Disgusting Things* You Might Eat When You Travel *and why you should try them! It's been some time since my last update, blame it on the holidays and family and kids off from school.  And since so much of the holiday season is taken up with eating, I thought what better topic to start out this first update of 2014 with than a post about food?! Oh, not your ordinary food.  Nope.  This is special food.  Unusual food.  In fact, some of the items I've come across would only barely fit the description of "food".  And yet... they're delicious! Read on...                                                                                              P.S. -- I've said it before and I'll say it again:  There's nothing worth more to me than your recommendation!  So please forward this to friends and associates who might be interested.  They'll be so grateful they might take you out to dinner!

Get That Out of Your Mouth, You Don't Know Where It's Been! or  The Five Most Disgusting Things You Might Eat When You Travel* *and why you should try them! Hachinoko (Bee Larvae) Twenty years ago you probably thought sushi was weird, right?  Well get ready -- not only is hachinoko not an unusual Japanese dish -- it's a traditional Japanese dish!  They're said to taste sweet, starchy and rich, with a bit of a smoky aftertaste. Sort of crunchy outside, soft and mushy inside.  (Yeah, that's a surprise huh?)  Cook them up with a little soy sauce, spread them on a cracker, and surprise your guests at your next party with the new, hip canapé! Kopi Luwak Starbucks™ has nothin' on our next entry.  Kopi Luwak are coffee beans that have been eaten by a Civet -- a cat-sized mammal native to tropical Asia and Africa -- and have, ummm, well... shall we say, "come out the other end".  Yes, they are harvested from Civet poop.  Pretty crazy, huh?  Yeah... crazy like a fox!  (Or would that be "crazy like a Civet"?!)  Because Kopi Luwak sells for up to $600 a pound!  So I don't know about you, but I'm just about *this* close to getting myself a barn full of Civets and starting a Kopi Luwak factory.   Casu Marzu (maggot cheese)Oh those crazy Sardinians!  It's not enough that they gave George Clooney his longtime girlfriend Elisabetta Canalis, they gave the rest of the world casu marzu!  Yes, I'm afraid so --  George Clooney gets Elisabetta Canalis, and we get maggot cheese.  This is the way the world works.  But it's ok, casu marzu is an amazing taste treat!  In fact it's so good that Sardinians continue to eat it on the sly despite the fact that it is illegal.  Casu Marzu is made just like the Italian cheeses you know and love, right up to the moment when they let it get infested with maggots.  And the maggots are still alive when you eat the cheese.  (Because, seriously, who wants to eat dead maggots?!  Am I right?)  Just be careful when you take a bite, the maggots are known to jump, and they have a knack for aiming for the eyes.   HaggisMy inclusion of Haggis in this list will be seen as heresy to many, especially those of Scottish ancestry.  But look, let's face it:  it's sheep's innards boiled inside a sheep's stomach!  I mean c'mon, would you eat that if you didn't have to?! Sure, it's a long winter's night in ancient Scotland, the Roman soldiers are sharpening their swords and banging at the city gates, and all that's left of ol' Bessie is a few gnawed-upon leg bones and... innards!  Yup, you bet you'd eat it!  And you'd enjoy it!   Hell, you'd write an epic poem in its honor!  That's what a True Scotsman does! Mountain Oysters I must admit, there is only one item on this list that I have actually eaten.  That I have tasted, swallowed, and enjoyed.  Yes, it's true.  I have eaten Mountain Oysters.  And they were delicious!  Thin-sliced, like medallions of veal, fried in batter in a cast-iron pan that was probably older than I was, served up in the kitchen of a small country restaurant in the mountains of North Carolina... it don't get much better than that! And this is why I say you should try the foods I've described.  The world is a big, strange place, and you never know what you might find.  That's the joy of travel!  Would you journey all the way to China or Africa, then eat at a McDonalds?  Encountering native cuisine, at times the mind may reel, but the stomach knows... trust me.  You may find a favorite new food.  Heck, at the very least... you'll get a blog post out of it!    Until next week...

Safari!

Thursday, December 12, 2013                                                                       Volume I, Issue 26

A Note From Paul:  Safari! It's been weeks since my last update, and with the holidays and the snow here in the northeast, it's amazing that I'm getting this update out to you.  (My back hurts from shoveling!) But I want to tell you about something that is very close to my heart, something I've never posted about before:  Africa!  With the death of Nelson Mandela, America has been focused on Africa in recent days.  Well, if you watch the news you might not realize it, but Africa is more than politics and revolution and turmoil.  Much more.  Africa is at the top of my list of "must return to" places.  I've been just once, and it was a life-altering experience.  Yeah, I know, people throw that term around pretty easily --  "life-altering".  But Africa truly is "life-altering". Let me tell you about some of the things you can do in Africa, and the wonderful people who can take you on a journey that you will remember and cherish for the rest of your life. Read on...                                                                                              P.S. -- You know, there's nothing worth more to me than your recommendation!  So please forward this to friends and associates who might be interested.  You'll be doing a service both for me and for them!

SAFARI! Top of my list...  Micato Dennis Pinto, who runs Micato Safaris, is a sort of hero of mine.  He's doing just the kind of work I've always dreamed of doing: showing the wonders of Africa (and India too!) to the whole world, and making a difference in the process.  There's a reason why Micato has been voted the #1 World's Best Safari Outfitter by Travel+Leisure a record nine times, and named Travel+Leisure World's Best Value on every poll ever taken.  They're also the only tour operator in Travel+Leisure's Hall of Fame.  These people know how to do a safari!  Here's just one brilliant example... Imagine gliding down massive sand dunes, visiting a remote African tribe, and quad-biking past herds of wildlife -- and then exploring the Cradle of Mankind with Africa's legendary family of fossil hunters! All of these are uncommon safari  experiences, but combining them into one adventure is the most extraordinary of all. That is precisely what Micato has done in A Northern Frontier Expedition. You'll travel by deluxe helicopter to the spectacular dunes of the Saguta Valley for the thrill of sand surfing, then to the windswept shores of Lake Turkana for a fishing expedition, and perhaps visiting Kenya's smallest tribe, the El Molo.  But the highlight of this "Journey Beyond the Ordinary": Koobi Fora, the excavation site offering the largest repository of early hominids and Early Stone Age archaeological material in East Africa-some four million years old, with Louis Leakey's granddaughter, Louise, who leads the project with her mother, Meave. True paleoanthropology royalty -- having proven the African genesis for humankind-the family was featured in Time's list of the 100 most important people of the last century. Time noted that with Louise and Meave, "the stage is set for the first family of anthropology to continue well into the next century." You'll get an opportunity to overnight here, living the life of an archeologist with the Leakey team. From base-camp authentic to endlessly luxurious, this expedition is unlike any other: Kitich Camp, in the remote Matthew's Mountain wilderness with no vehicles in sight...Koija Star Beds in Laikipia-open air accommodations and a unique experience in a partnership with the local Maasai tribe. So from adventures in paleoanthropology to the ecology of the African savannahs to some of Kenya's most exotic tented camps. This sensational "Journey Beyond the Ordinary" offers it all. But here's the thing:  It's not just about the safari.  It's about making the world a better place.  Micato Safaris matches every safari it sells with payment of all school fees for a child in need...a child who would otherwise stay home due to extreme poverty. One safari, one child. They call it their One for One Commitment. Through its School Sponsorship Programme, Micato-AmericaShare helps children who might not otherwise be able to afford a quality education, placing these vulnerable children in reputable boarding schools with the help of you, the Micato traveller. The sponsored children get an emotional boost knowing that someone cares about them, and it provides them with a sense of hope and inspiration that they've never had before. The funny thing is, it works both ways. The children's sponsors have long reported that the emotional boost for them is just as powerful...that their own sense of hope and inspiration increases a thousandfold once they get to know their sponsored children. (I know -- my sister sponsors a child!)  _____________________________ So there you go!   Imagine the brilliant college essay your teen would write after a week in the field with Louise Leakey. And think of the possibility of a child in Africa simply attending school... because you made it possible!     Until next week!

To Serve Man

Thursday, November 14, 2013                                                                       Volume I, Issue 25

A Note From Paul:  The More You Give, The More You Get! My "mantra" has always been, Vacation should be more than just a blanket on the beach.  That goal has served me well in my own travels, and clients who heed my advice come home with stories of a new outlook, a new appreciation of our wondrous and varied world. Usually I address the "more" as something you take away from a vacation.  But today I'd like to flip that, and talk about vacations where we can all bring more.  More of our time, more of our charity, more of a knowledge or skill we have that might help others.  I'm talking, of course, about the "Service Vacation."  From helping to develop an irrigation system for a Cambodian village, to constructing a schoolhouse for children in Kenya, the opportunities to give service and the organizations who make such giving possible are many and varied. One group I work with is Rustic Pathways.  For some thirty years they've provided unique travel opportunities for teens, and they've now expanded to provide the same service-oriented, experiential travel for adults.  And the experiences they offer are... well, let's just say that whatever of yourself you may give, what you'll get in return is beyond measure. Read on...                                                                                              P.S. -- Another mantra of mine (can you have too many mantras?!) is, there's nothing worth more to me than your recommendation!  So please forward this to friends and associates who might be interested.  You'll be doing a service both for me and for them!   *Some of you may remember the origins of the title To Serve Man.  But it is used here strictly in its Earthbound non-Kanamits meaning  ;-)

To Serve Man! Where do you think you could be of greatest service?  Peru?  Cambodia?   Perhaps Tanzania?  Around the world, travelers young and old are working to  save endangered species, exploring rainforests, learning life-saving medical skills, working toward sustainability and globalization, all while forming  lifelong friendships with people from all over the world, gathering invaluable life experiences, and working to make the world a better place. Just a few of the opportunities for 2014: The Floating Villages: Service through Rural Cambodia Experience the flowing beauty of Cambodian river life while lending a hand to grateful communities in need The Tonle Sap is the largest freshwater lake in South East Asia and is home to unique floating villages, where homes, schools and gardens are designed to float in order to accommodate the changing water levels.  Rustic has several anchor villages over the 80 miles of river where they have established relationships and support a range of community projects. First spend time in Phnom Penh learning about Cambodia's turbulent recent history, visiting the Genocide Museum, the Killing Fields, and the Royal Palace.  Only then can you truly understand life in Cambodia today.       Your service tour of rural Cambodia begins in Kampong Cham, your home for the next couple of nights.  Here you can spend time working with one of Rustic Pathways' sister organizations, a local non-governmental agency called the BSDA. This innovative organization works to support women, children and marginalized members of the community in areas of education, health and income generation. You'll join in a series of educational activities designed to boost the education of the children who depend on this center to open opportunities for their future. The BSDA is also improving the grounds of their vocational training center and you can  work alongside them to help them meet their goal.   While the Cambodians that live on the rivers are able to catch enough food to survive, access to basic services is limited and schools lack basic materials to support children's education. Rustic Pathways has partnered with local schools and communities, helping to repair houses, leading English workshops, and even building some floating gardens. After school, local students come by to play games, blend up some fruit shakes, and just enjoy spending time together.   Siem Reap, a quaint and diverse town, is home to Angkor Wat and some of the world's most exotic temples. Here it is easy to take in the kingdom's ancient splendor. Marvel at the intricate carvings in the stone fortresses as you visit Angkor Thom, Bayon, and Ta Prohm (also known as the Tomb Raider temple).  Cap off your trip watching traditional Apsara dance, feasting on exotic local fare, and grabbing your last minute souvenirs, before you say goodbye to this beautiful country and the many new friends you have met here. From the children in Kampong Cham and the floating villages that line the Tonle Sap waterway to the splendor of Angkor Wat, this is a trip you'll never forget! The Faces of East Africa Immersion in Tanzanian village life on a one-of-a-kind community service adventure Visit Tanzania and make a difference in the lives of local children during service at a village school. You'll immerse yourself in the rich cultural traditions of this East African country and have a chance to explore the nation's spectacular scenery.  Tucked in the shadow of stunning Mount Kilimanjaro, Njoro village welcomes you with open arms.       Your goal in your host village is to help improve the learning environment and the general quality of life for the local people. You will become a driving force in making it happen!  You will spend much of your time working at the local school, creating a positive learning environment for local kids who don't have much beyond the very basics. Arts and crafts, educational games, sports, and English classes are all rare treats here. Your projects inspire these kids' imaginations and ensure they receive the individual attention they deserve. They happily welcome you into their school, and they may even teach you a little Swahili in addition to some local customs in between English lessons!  When you aren't working with the kids you'll be completing work on two new classrooms, including adding floors, plastering, and painting, to help transform the school into a welcoming and positive environment for students. The Faces of East Africa program was designed for those who want to experience Tanzania's rich culture while participating in worthwhile community service projects.  You can spend your vacation immersed in a vital, ongoing effort to support, educate, and develop a community, and gain a real understanding of another culture.     Lake Titicaca Service Adventure The ultimate community service tour through southern Peru, featuring the stunning Lake Titicaca Shrouds of morning mist rise to reveal the ancient Incan city of Machu Picchu. Llamas and alpacas quietly graze on the altiplano, and condors soar past the snow-capped peaks and jagged cliffs of Colca Canyon. Local fishermen push off into the tranquil blue waters of Lake Titicaca. Young children happily giggle while herding sheep out to pasture, and brightly clothed women tend to cooking fires in dimly lit adobe homes. These are the sights and sounds that will greet you in Southern Peru. Your service tour starts in the Andes, where you'll overnight in the town of Ollantaytambo. Stroll the streets of this 'living city of the Incas,' relax, and adjust to your new surroundings before heading to Machu Picchu, one of the true cultural treasures of Peru. An early morning climb through one of the seven man-made wonders of the world is the perfect way to acclimatize to the high-altitude Andes and prepare for the next two weeks of community service and adventure. Cradled between the snow-capped mountains of Bolivia and the high altiplano of Peru, Lake Titicaca is one of Peru's legendary highlights. Traditional villages that exist much as they did 100 years ago are scattered along its shores, and you'll immerse yourself in the traditional way of life of the hardworking people who live here. You'll participate in a variety of community projects developed by local people. These projects include teaching English to eager students who have never had native speakers as instructors, refurbishing classrooms, and painting educational murals alongside local students.  Then take a boat to visit Lake Titicaca's island inhabitants. Thousands of visitors come to these floating islands each year - islands which are constructed entirely of reeds - but you'll visit a few of them that rarely see tourists. The people living on these seldom-seen islands subsist much as they have for centuries, and we are honored to be invited to share in life here. A floating field will provide a unique setting for a rousing game of volleyball against local children - an experience you will never forget! Then head off to more solid ground at the nearby community of Taquile. This island of approximately 2,000 inhabitants is home to pre-Incan ruins, world-renowned textiles, and a truly egalitarian community that has maintained customs and traditions dating back hundreds of years. You'll settle into the tranquil life of the Taquileños while you're here. Play games with and teach English to colorfully capped children before watching the sunset with these island dwellers - the perfect end to your day at the world's highest navigable lake. After leaving the high-alpine lakes, the altiplano slowly morphs into Peru's canyon country. Colca Canyon plunges to twice the depth of the Grand Canyon and is home to soaring Andean condors, terraced valleys, and snow-capped peaks. After rising early for condor sighting and mountain biking, soak in local hot springs and reminisce about the past two weeks of travel and service in Southern Peru. This is a trip that you will surely remember forever! _____________________________ So there you go!   Imagine the brilliant college essay your teen would write after one of these experiences.  Imagine your life changed by time spent helping others.  It's a great way to get away and make the world a better place at the same time!     Until next week!

Ho! Ho! Ho! To the Bottle I Go

        

Thursday, November 7, 2013                                                                         Volume I, Issue 24

A Note From Paul:           Ho! Ho! Ho! To the bottle I go         To heal my heart and drown my woe         Rain may fall, and wind may blow         And many miles be still to go         But under a tall tree will I lie         And let the clouds go sailing by                                              J.R.R. Tolkien Greetings All!  Has there ever been a better story about a "Journey Beyond the Ordinary" than Tolkien's The Lord of the Rings?  Now that's what I call "experiential travel"! Well since it's been a crazy week here in The Land of Journeys Beyond, I'm recycling a previous issue, "Spirit-Inspired Journeys".  (Hey, recycling is my civic duty!)  And the 2013 Beaujolais Nouveau will be arriving any day now, so it's a great time to revisit this piece on the joys of imbibition.  (Yeah, I didn't know it was a word either. HA!) What we do know is that one of the great pleasures of travel is great food.  If you live in one of our excellent "foodie" cities -- New York, San Francisco, New Orleans -- you can find cuisines and chefs that match anything Paris or Palermo have to offer.  But for some things, like great drinks... sometimes you gotta go to the source. So whether your pleasure is fine wine, beer, or a good single malt Scotch (and really, is there a bad single malt Scotch?!) you'll find a vacation and a destination that will indulge your every spirit-inspired whim! Read on...                                                                             P.S. -- There's nothing worth more than your recommendation!  Please forward this to friends and associates who might be interested.   Betcha they buy you a drink!

Spirit-Inspired Journeys! Beer, Ale, Lager, Stout and More  Recent years have ushered in a golden age for beer drinkers in the U.S.  With microbreweries and craft brewing companies popping up all around the country, we have more choices and more varieties of freshly brewed drinks than ever.  (Freshness is vital -- down with "skunky" imports!) Travel & Leisure Magazine recently reported on "America's Best Beer Cities", and the top rated in the U.S.... Portland, Oregon!  From European-style farmhouse beers, to "nano-breweries" that make batches of fewer  than 4 barrels (quaff it while you can!) and even beer-flavored ice cream... the "City of Roses" is positively abloom with great breweries.  Rounding out the top 5 are Denver, Portland, Maine, Seattle, and -- get this -- Kansas City! If your travels take you across the pond, you may want to make your first stop "the old sod".  Ireland is known for its beers, ales, lagers and stouts -- most famously that "meal in a bottle", Guinness.  But Ireland offers so much more:  Harp Lager, Kilkenny Irish Cream Ale, Murphy's Irish Red... You can sample a different brew every night for weeks, and tour Ireland from the comfort of your pub stool.    Of course, once you cross over to The Continent, your choices expand exponentially.  Germany, Belgium, The Czech Republic... every country in Europe has its own unique brews and breweries.  (Indeed, every country in the world -- Some of the best brews can be found in China, Japan, Mexico...)  Long story short, if you're a beer lover like me, you'll travel a long way before running short of great travel choices.          Wine    You know what?  I'm just going to skip wine.  There are so many wine tasting cruises, groups, tours, clubs and more...    But let me make one point about "going to the source":  Beaujolais season is almost here, and how we all love that fresh, crisp, fruity new wine.  Accent on "new"!  Because if you're French you know that, by the time this autumn's Beaujolais Nouveau reaches American shores, it's already too old to drink!    Unlike beer and Beaujolais Nouveau, some things improve with age.  Such as...    Scotch  And when I say Scotch, I mean single-malt Scotch.  Because as far as I'm concerned, there is no other Scotch.  Sure it's just my opinion -- but hey, it's my blog!  And if you want to taste great Scotch, you just gotta go to Scotland.    Follow in the footsteps of some of my recent clients who made the tour this summer.  Head straight to Campbeltown, one of the handful of areas in Scotland categorized as a distinct whisky producing region, and known as "the whisky capital of the world".  Swing by the Tullibardine distillery,  and you'll pass close by the Glengoyne distillery as well.  Often described as Scotland's most beautiful distillery, Glengoyne has been turning out its wondrous water of life for more than 200 years.       Nearby are Springbank and Glengyre, not to be missed, before you head to Islay and the source of my favorite single malt in the world, Laphroaig.  Ah, Laphroaig! With each sip you can taste the smoky peat fire as it warms you through and through. Truth is, there are so many great distilleries in Scotland, you would need a month of Sundays to visit them all.  And while you're there, you'd be smart to secure the  services of my friend Bill Hill.  This Edinburgh tour guide knows more about Scotland than most Scotsmen have forgotten.  And he pours a mean glass of whisky to boot!  So when you go, take your time, relax, drink smartly, and enjoy one of the great pleasures of The Old World.  _____________________________ So there you go!  What better excuse to hit the road than "Hey -- I'm thirsty!!" Until next week!

"The Quickest Way I Know to Put an Eye Out!"

Thursday, October 24, 2013                                                                          Volume I, Issue 23

A Note From Paul: "That's the Quickest Way I Know to Put an Eye Out!"      Greetings All! My dear Mum used to say, "It's all fun and games until somebody gets an eye poked out!"  She was referring to the mud-clod fights my friends and I had, but as it turns out, the maxim is true for travel too! Sure, odds are you're perfectly safe on a Mediterranean cruise or lying on a beach in the Caribbean. But you don't have to stray far off the beaten path before you run into some pretty dang risky business. Well my motto is "Vacation should be more than just a blanket on a beach." So in honor of my dear departed Mum - and just to prove that I still haven't learned my lesson - herewith: "The World's Five Most Dangerous Tourist Attractions". Or as Mum would have put it, "The quickest way I know to put an eye out!" Don't say I didn't warn you!   Read on...                                                                                              P.S. -- Ok, I probably sound like some sort of zombie that just keeps coming back from the dead, over and over and...  But there's nothing worth more to me than your recommendation!  So please forward this to friends and associates who might be interested.  They'll thank you -- and if you're lucky, they may even spare you when the zombie apocalypse comes!

The World's 5 Most Dangerous Tourist Attractions Care For a Nice Warm Dip? Bungee Jump into a Volcano! We begin our "ain't people crazy" tour with bungee jumping.  To me, just plain ol' bungee jumping is foolish enough.  And there are plenty of exciting jumps that aren't likely to send you home with a singed scalp.  Switzerland's Verzasca Dam jump was featured in the James Bond film "Goldeneye", and Macau's 765-foot SkyJump is the highest jump in the world. But bungee jumping into a volcano?!  That's just nuts.  Ok, technically you're not jumping into a volcano -- at least you'd better pray you're not --   but rather over a volcano.  It's called Villarrica and it's in Pucón, Chile.  For a mere $10,000, you'll take a 5-day trip to Pucón, where you'll be flown by helicopter to hover some 1,100 feet above bubbling pools of white-hot lava.  Then you'll jump. Insane,  right?!  The jump takes you to less than 700 feet above the boiling lava -- high enough to be "safe" but definitely close enough bring vivid memories of those fire and brimstone sermons Pastor Peters used to preach.  No "toasted tourists" to report, there have been no fatalities at Villarrica jump.  Yet. They Must Be Jelly 'Cus Jam Don't Sting Like That The greatest predator in Australia is not a shark or a crocodile, or even those adorable dingos.  It's the box jellyfish.  Box jellyfish are known as the "suckerpunch" of the sea -- you can't see them coming, they're virtually transparent, and worse yet, their sting is rarely detected until the venom is injected.  Nasty surprise, that.   With a sting that can lead to cardiovascular collapse and death in as little as two to five minutes, the box jellyfish has killed more people than all other deadly Australian animals combined. Your best protection against a box jellyfish sting?  Wear pantyhose!  Seriously. Welcome to Death Road -- Please Fasten Your Seatbelts! Here's a test:  When you learn that the highway you're about to take is nicknamed "Death Road", do you A: ask Siri for an alternate route,  B: call your lawyer to ensure your last will and testament is in order, or  C: put the pedal to the metal and burn rubber? If you answered "C", stop reading right now and seek immediate psychiatric help. Winding some 37 miles from La Paz to Coroico, Bolivia's North Yungas Road -- "Death Road" to those in the know -- offers no guardrails, narrows to just 10 feet wide at some points, and borders cliffs of up to 1,830 feet.  Cars have been known to simply fall off the edge, tumbling nearly a half-mile before coming to a stop.  It's no wonder this highway is said to claim as many 300 travelers' lives each year. Visit Chernobyl!  Where Our Motto is "Let Us Glow Together"  Who doesn't love a haunted house, especially at this time of year.  And what is Chernobyl but one great big haunted house? The site of history's worst nuclear disaster in 1986, the abandoned and ghostly Chernobyl nuclear power plant is a warren of abandoned buildings, empty houses, rusting Soviet-era autos and - oddly - some pretty healthy wildlife.   The management of the Chernobyl tours assure us that any remaining radiation levels from the disaster are too small to harm your health, and the Ukrainian government too claims it is safe.    Oh really?!   Then why is it visitors are not allowed to touch any onsite vegetation, and are even forbidden from eating outdoors or setting their tripods on the ground?  Hmmm?  She'll Be Comin' Down the Mountain... I could probably psychically survive a bungee jump.  Swimming with jellyfish, a snap.  But this - THIS!! - is just NUTS! Hike along the face of Mount Huashan in China, thousands of feet above the ground, nothing supporting you but 12 inch wide wooden planks tied into the face of the cliff.  There are no hand rails, and the only thing keeping you attached to the side of the mountain -- if you had the foresight to bring one -- is a safety harness. Eventually even the wooden planks run out, and you're walking on the supports that used to hold the wooden planks. Reports are, there are about 100 deaths on the trail each year.   For those of us who are sane, there's a cable car.  Yes please! _____________________________ So there you go!   Five of the craziest, most dangerous, most thrilling ways you can spend a vacation.  In "You Only Live Twice" (the novel),  James Bond writes an improperly-constructed haiku: You only live twice Once when you are born, and once When you look death in the face You extreme travelers, take note!  Me?  This one life will do just fine, thank you. Until next week!

Please Stop Me Before I'm Thrilled Again!

Thursday, October 10, 2013                                                                          Volume I, Issue 22

A Note From Paul: Please Stop Me Before I'm Thrilled Again!      Greetings All! Don't you hate those people who come in to the office after time away and brag about what an amazing vacation they had?!  How scrumptious the food was, how comfortable their hotel was, how everything went just as they'd always dreamed.  And all you wanna do is slap 'em silly! Don't be like them!  Sure, they may have made memories to last a lifetime... but can they corner strangers in an elevator with horror stories of Holland?  Can they hijack a cafeteria conversation comparing good ol' American fries to those nasty French "frites"?  Can they find the only dangerous street in Denmark, and do they have the scars to prove it?! Well can they?! Of course they can't.  But you can -- just follow these five easy steps to be sure you never have a good time on vacation again!  Granted, the only dreams to come true will be nightmares, and the memories made would sooner be forgotten.  But you'll have great stories to tell in your next therapy session. Read on!                                                                             P.S. -- Here I go nagging again, but... There's nothing worth more to me than your recommendation!  So please forward this to friends and associates who might be interested.   They'll thank you -- Heck, they may even write you into their will!

5 Surefire Ways to Have an Awful Vacation!       1:  Never Plan Ahead    This is first and foremost!   Did Neil Armstrong plan his trip to the moon?  Did Robert Peary plan his trip to the North Pole?  Did... did...  Well ok, actually, they did.  But think how much more fun they could have had just winging it!  Planning ahead ensures you'll have a room to stay in, a rental car waiting for you, and enough money in your pocket to last the trip.  Where's the adventure in that? One of the best ways to discover what hotels to avoid is to be forced to stay someplace you didn't plan.  Because, well... you didn't plan.  And for goodness sake, don't do any research!  If there's a construction site next to the hotel you've selected, knowing ahead of time will just ruin the surprise.  Let the 6:00 AM jackhammers be your "wake-up call"... in more ways than one.   2:  Flash That Wad!   And speaking of having money in your pocket... You'll want to be  sure you  command the respect of the locals by showing off how much cold hard cash you're carrying.   Why leave it in the hotel safe when it fits so nicely in your pocket...?  Until your pocket is picked.  At which point you have the joy of knowing you contributed to the local underground economy.  Not in the way you'd hoped, but still...  And if you really want a great story to tell, maybe they'll get your passport and travel documents too!  If you followed Rule 1 (see above ) then you probably didn't plan your trip with a Travel Adviser.  That means you have no one at home to assist you in getting your passport reissued in a foreign country,  putting emergency money into your pocket, getting your airline and train tickets reissued.  But who needs that -- you're living on the edge!  3:  Only Have Time for Two Cities?  Book Four! Ah yes, nothing makes for a more memorable vacation than dashing from tour reservation to dinner reservation to train reservation. After all, it's all about checking things off your list, right?  Being able to say "Been there!  Been there too!  And yup -- there! "  Actually taking time to enjoy any one experience or place or meal would be anathema to the Unhappy Traveler's creed. So book it up!  Be sure to account for EVERY. SINGLE. SECOND of your travels.  That way nothing spontaneous can happen, no pleasant surprises, nothing unexpected. (NOTE:  This may seem to contradict the points made under Rule 1, above, re: "Planning".  It does not. The wise traveler understands balance.)  4:  Never Taste New Foods, Try New Experiences, or Meet New People  They have a McDonalds on the Champs-Élysées -- why on earth would you want to ruin a perfectly good vacation by eating something French?  Look, if we don't eat it in America then it's foreign.  If it's foreign it's yucky.  And if it's yucky -- why would you eat it?!   Same thing with people.  Don't you have enough friends already?  Besides, you leave the country and all of a sudden everybody's speaking a foreign language!  Oh sure, your friends come home with great stories about how they found a new fish dish they love, stomped around in snowshoes for the first time, met the man they plan to marry,  blah blah blah. But you can return home with the confidence that no new knowledge, tastes or relationships have sullied that perfect combination of experiences and memories that makes you... well, you.  5:  Forget Quality, Never Mind Comfort -- Go For Cheap!  This one I can't emphasize enough!  Ok, granted, six months from now you won't miss that extra $100 you spent for the hotel room upgrade.  And sure, 10 years from now you'll still be raving about what a great hotel that was, how it was the experience of a lifetime.  But that's not the point!  Is it? Well... is it?  Wait -- maybe it is!  Could it be?  Could it be that travel is more than just checking destinations off a list?  Could it be that exploring other countries, other cuisines, other peoples, is something that's worth pursuing just for itself?  Is it possible that travel -- just simply getting out there, meeting other people, experiencing other cultures, seeing sights you've never seen before -- is as spiritually and emotionally fulfilling as any other endeavor you might engage in? Naaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!   What was I thinking?!  It's just travel!  And travel is just... just everything.  _____________________________ So there you go!   Now you can safely travel anywhere in the world, and never worry you'll have to admit you had a good time.  Tell your therapist I said "You're welcome". Until next week!